Gennifer Birnbach The holiday season is often a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, for many women, it can also be a time when family drama tends to rear its head. Whether it’s clashing personalities, old grudges or differing expectations, conflicts can threaten the holiday spirit.
But fear not; with a few strategies and resources, you can navigate these potentially stormy waters and keep the peace during the holidays.
SET CLEAR EXPECTATIONS:
One common source of family drama during the holidays is unclear or unmet expectations. Ensure that everyone is on the same page by discussing plans well in advance. Communicate what you’re looking forward to and be open to compromise.
Example: You may want a quiet Christmas at home, while your adult children might expect you to host a big family gathering. By discussing your wishes in advance and understanding their desires, you can find a middle ground.
The resource “Holiday Stress and Coping” from the American Psychological Association can provide insights into managing holiday expectations. Read here
DELEGATE TASKS:
The holiday season often involves a lot of preparation and work. Sharing responsibilities can reduce stress and minimize opportunities for conflict.
Example: If you’re hosting a holiday meal, involve family members in planning, cooking, and decorating. This way, everyone has a role and feels invested in the festivities.
For more insights on effective delegation, check out “The Art of Delegating Effectively” by Mind Tools. Read here
AVOID HOT-BUTTON TOPICS:
Some subjects are more likely to cause arguments. If there’s a history of tension around certain topics, steer clear of them during family gatherings.
Example: Political discussions at the dinner table can quickly escalate into heated arguments. Instead, choose to discuss neutral or positive subjects, like shared memories, hobbies, or travel plans.
For guidance on how to avoid difficult conversations, “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High” by Al Switzler and Joseph Grenny is an excellent resource. Read here
PLAN FUN ACTIVITIES:
Organizing enjoyable activities can shift the focus away from potential conflicts and encourage positive interactions.
Example: Instead of everyone sitting around watching TV, plan a game night, a group craft project, or a holiday movie marathon. These activities can create cherished memories and foster a sense of togetherness.
For inspiration, check out “15 Holiday Family Games Adults and Children Will Love.” Read here
PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING:
Sometimes, family drama arises from feeling unheard or misunderstood. Practice active listening to show empathy and foster better communication.
Example: When a family member expresses their concerns or feelings, listen attentively without interrupting or passing judgment. Reflect back what you’ve heard to ensure you’ve understood correctly.
“The Lost Art of Listening” by Michael P. Nichols provides insights into improving your listening skills. Learn more.
ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES:
Setting and communicating your boundaries can prevent family members from overstepping and causing tension.
Example: If a family member is known for making critical comments about your choices, kindly but firmly express your boundaries.
For help in establishing boundaries, watch this helpful Mel Robbins’ video
SEEK MEDIATION OR COUNSELING:
In some cases, conflicts may be deeply ingrained, and the holidays could exacerbate them. Seeking professional mediation or counseling can be a wise choice.
Example: If long-standing family tensions consistently escalate during the holidays, consider involving a trained mediator or family therapist. They can provide guidance and tools to address underlying issues.
To find a qualified therapist near you, use Psychology Today’s therapist directory. Find here
CREATE YOUR OWN TRADITIONS:
Starting your own holiday traditions can be a wonderful way to reduce family drama. By focusing on the things that bring you joy, you can build a holiday season that suits your preferences.
Example: Instead of following old family traditions that may have caused tension, create new ones that bring happiness. Whether it’s volunteering, taking a solo trip, or starting a book club, prioritizing your own joy can help you maintain a positive holiday spirit.
Here are some ideas from Southern Living. Many of these ideas can be substituted with something more appropriate for Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Kwanzaa or New Year’s Eve. https://www.southernliving.com/holidays-occasions/christmas/christmas-tradition-ideas
Minimizing family drama during the holidays for women over 50 involves clear communication, empathy, and proactive measures. By setting expectations, delegating tasks, avoiding sensitive subjects, planning enjoyable activities, practicing active listening, establishing boundaries, seeking professional help if needed, and creating your own traditions, you can make your holidays as harmonious and joyful as possible.
Remember that the holidays are about connection, love, and togetherness, and with the right strategies, you can ensure they stay that way.
